nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
