I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
