I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
