That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
