She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
