Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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