You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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