i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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