So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
