Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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