Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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