What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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