i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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