Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
