i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
