think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
