So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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