i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
