If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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