She said her name was "party"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
