he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
