Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
