Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
