dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
