Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
