There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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