I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
