she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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