It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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