Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
