No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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