if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
