I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
