I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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