I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
