What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
