Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
