these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
