i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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