well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
