she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
