I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
