My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"it" just moved
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
