: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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