let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
