a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
