Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
