I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
