Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
