i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
