god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
