Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
