Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
